Own Your Shit

Yesterday one of my class members thanked me for the great workout that burned over 400 calories (she wears a heart rate monitor).

“Well, you did all the work, I just told you what to do.”

“But telling us what to do is more than half the battle!”

Yes, I think I’m a good coach, that I plan an excellent workout and, of course, I am very grateful to be thanked for my efforts. That certainly feels good. But their workout is not about me. It’s their time. I think it’s important to be aware that I am a facilitator for my clients.

Because I will not always be there for them. Life situations, jobs, schedules — these things all change.

get unstuck cat image

What doesn’t change is knowing that you are in charge of you, your life, your body. You are in charge of choosing how and if you will exercise.

And if I won’t always have my clients in my stead, I want to give them the tools for keeping up their exercise routine for life. Those tools aren’t simply how to swing a kettlebell, but knowing that they can.

That is all to say — intrinsic motivation is what will serve us in the end. Doing something “for” someone else is a fleeting kind of motivation:  getting in shape for events, “looking good naked” so that someone will find us sexy? These things won’t get us unto the gym for years to come — for now, maybe, yes. But not forever.

And the thing about giving someone else credit for your workout? That fuels a pipeline of not giving YOURSELF CREDIT. You need to give yourself credit for what you are doing. You need to acknowledge that you showed up. You hauled your ass up and down the stairs, you picked up the kettlebells and your coach simply told you how to do it and gave you a pat on the back.

You’re doing it. Step up to the plate and own it.

2016 Give Me Your Magic

Being that it’s the New Year, I’ve done my fair share of reflecting on the past year and looking towards the future year. As I’ve been thinking about where I am, been and where I want to go, two words that keep coming up for me are adventure and magic.

I’ve realized they are each in their own way, core, guiding values for me. That is, it’s important for me to live life in a way that puts these values as a priority.

For me I practice adventure and magic in these ways:

TRAVEL: To see the world is an important way that I experience the world — to be humbled, to be charmed, to have my horizons broadened both literally and figuratively, to try new things, to meet new people — this is the ultimate adventure in my book, which so often leads to **magic**.

TALK TO STRANGERS: Talking to people when I’m out and about — you find out the most amazing things about people don’t you? I’m not perfect with this, but I try. And being that I’m a natural introvert, for me, trying is part of the way I have an adventure.

TRY NEW FOODS & THINGS: This is something I naturally do and want to do. I will try weird things on a menu, I will try combinations in my kitchen, even if they sound weird to others, if I’m intrigued, I go for it. One example:  brown rice noodles + lemon juice + 1 canof Italian tuna in olive oil drained + mayo + salt + parsley. Now, this isn’t the weirdest combo:  it has it’s roots in Italian cooking, for sure. But you have to admit it’s a little weird — but I made it one evening out of desperation and I love it. It was a magical little culinary adventure! And now it’s one of my favorite go-to dishes on a busy night when I want something relatively healthy and easy-peasy.

Auntie Mame

TRY NEW MOVEMENT: I try new exercises all the time. Just ask my clients that are like “UGH, what’s this new one she’s having us do today?!”. I like to move my kettlbells and weights in new ways, move my body in new ways. It’s exciting to see what it can do! And this upcoming weekend I am going to try snow-shoeing! Wee! To me, new movement, it’s always an adventure. Even if it means falling on my butt. Which I am sure I will do this weekend.

LAUGH: To me, this is a kind of everyday magic. The kind of magic that you can experience anywhere, anytime. No matter how small, how big, it’s special and worth noting in my opinion.

LOVE. Sometimes it’s easy to go along in life and just ho-hum along, but when you stop to realize how much love is in your life, how many people care for you and will help you out? That is a kind of magic that I never want to end.

Why is this relevant? Well, I think it’s hard to feel magic and to be adventurous when you’re not feeling healthy. It’s hard to run, it’s hard to breathe, it’s hard to feel the kind of peace that allows you to feel magic or try new things, when things are weighing you down (both physically and metaphorically).

I have never been healthier in my life or happier than I have been in the last few years. And I can safely say that I’ve had way more adventures and felt an extraordinary amount of magic, too. It’s hard to not see them as intrinsically connected.

I believe that magic is mostly a state of mind, though. It means you are able to see the world through a positive lens. You’re able to see what’s special about people. You’re able to see the little things in life that make this journey that much more special.

So, are you with me? Let’s make 2016 a year of magic and adventure!

 

 

Three Tactics to Meet Your 2016 Goals

Ten years ago when I started answering the phone for my fitness company I remember being struck by how much people wanted to talk before registering for classes.

After several months of 20 to 30 minute long phone calls, it dawned at me what was going on with most of these folks:   they felt vulnerable about joining an intense fitness program. And when we feel this way it’s often helpful to talk it out.

Realizing that changed the way I viewed fitness as an industry, forever.

brene brown vulnerability quote

No longer was the way I viewed the business of fitness as a cheesy, soulless and vain quest to get people better abs, but, for me, it became a quest to take people by the hand, give them good information, quality workouts and respect their feelings.

See, here’s the thing. Fitness is in logical terms, simple. We all know that working out is good for us. We all know that potato chips aren’t so good for us.

But that doesn’t make our feelings about these things simple.

It doesn’t make getting out of bed to get a workout in before a long commute, simple.

So, while I know that this is the time of year when many of us feel the need to go on a strict diet and be really, really hard on ourselves in the pursuit of fitness and health, I urge you to re-consider how you’re approaching your fitness and health goals as we head into 2016 using these three principles to guide you:

  • Acknowledge Your Vulnerabilities. It’s okay if you’re intimidated by the gym. It’s okay if you’re not sure how to use a machine, do a push-up properly or the best way to get more veggies in your day. This is all just information. You can figure this out. You can hire a coach (ahem!). You can talk to a gym-going friend. But acknowledging your feelings will help you. Trying to pretend that you don’t have insecurities will likely only get in the way of success. Because when we are putting our ego at the forefront, we are less likely to ask for help. And it’s my opinion that you are less likely to make true change without some help — be it via information gathering, coaching or support from a family member for things like childcare.
  • Practice Self-Compassion. You are going to have set-backs. You’re going to sleep in and miss your workout one day, you’re going to have a slice of pizza for lunch when you intended to have a huge-ass salad. The question is, how do you handle these situations? What isn’t going to serve you? Beating yourself up for these slip-ups. What will serve you? Realizing that you are in a bigger-picture scenario — that is, what you do most of the time defines your physique, your fitness and health, not what happens on a day when you didn’t get enough sleep.
  • Be Realistic With Your Goals. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Don’t decide that you are going to run a marathon in 4 months when you haven’t ran in 8 years. Sure, you might hear of people doing such things, but that is a rare case, not the norm. One of my goals is to be active and fit well into old-age. This guides me well because it means that I don’t do stupid things — I don’t train through injuries and I don’t try things that I know I’m not ready for.

You can definitely do this! Don’t let your vulnerabilities stop you. Don’t let your setbacks set you back 😉 And be honest about what is realistic for you, right now. You are worth this journey.

Here’s to healthy, happy and magical 2016!

P.S. If you need help with information gathering, don’t forget that I send out weekly workouts to my email list each Sunday. Sign up for my list here.

I Gave Myself a Break From Exercise: Here’s What Happened

Since June, if I had days where I didn’t *feel* like working out, I would generally skip it…about 90% of the time.

I’d take a nap. Or take a shower. Maybe watch TV. Or, read a magazine. Go to the dog park.

Why?

Because I like my workouts. I like to enjoy them. I don’t want my exercise space to be something I dread.

Because you don’t have to train hard all the time. I trained a lot the first half of this year and last while getting ready for my SFG cert. I’m not training for anything now — I’d be training hard just to do that. Which is fine, but it hasn’t been the headspace I’ve been in.

Because maintenance is a training mode, too. Meaning, sometimes exercise isn’t about beating records and lifting more, it’s about staying healthy. My workouts these past 6 months have been to maintain my skills, my strength and to stay healthy. I’m not breaking records, I’m not really trying anything new.

Because I’ve had nagging foot pain.

kettlebell swing coach cat

And, sure, I know this sounds crazy coming from a fitness instructor, but I 100% believe it’s okay to give yourself breaks. I see a lot of trainers talking about the importance of squeezing in training here and there and while yes, sometimes that is good. Sometimes that is necessary. But if you’re already relatively healthy and not trying to break records, what is the actual point of going balls to the walls?

For me, this is what taking a break looked like:

Most weeks I exercised about 3 or 4 times.  Remember, I still *like* exercise. It’s still one of my hobbies.

When I did exercise, I just did what I wanted to do. I played. I can’t tell you how much I love playing with exercise. Doing what my body feels like doing, instead of what I *should* be doing, or what I am *supposed* to be doing. It just feels good, man, to do what I want.

And what were my results of this?

I weigh the same. My muscle definition is basically the same.

A few of my lifts have weakened — meaning, I can’t lift as much as I was doing in May, particularly my overhead press.

My feet feel better. My quad and hamstring that were giving me grief this summer, feel better.

And most importantly, mentally I feel…better. I am starting to get the urge to train hard again and I like that feeling. To me, these breaks give me context. It makes training hard a special time for me. It’s often said that to feel goodness and happiness, you need to know pain and what bad times feel like to truly appreciate the good. While nothing “bad” happened while I took a break, it does give me context which I find useful for myself and in my practice of coaching others.

An important thing to note here is that this kind of break requires quite a bit of self-trust. Earlier in my fitness journey, I likely would have been scared to do this. I would have worried about how much fitness I’d lose, how much weight I’d gain, how much definition I’d lose and that I’d lose my inertia. This is operating from a fear mentality.

I don’t have these kind of thoughts anymore because I trust myself. Exercise is a part of my life, no matter what. I know I will workout a few times a week regardless of what is going on, because I like to do it and it’s a self-care act above all else.  I also trust the science of fitness. That is, I know I won’t lose a lot by turning down the volume on my exercise and that I can get back any strength setbacks in a relatively short period of time. I know that I won’t gain weight if I pay attention to what I eat and eat less when I’m training less.

Why am I telling you all this? Because we all have times when we take breaks like this. Mine was somewhat a choice, somewhat my body screaming at me to chill out. But many times, these breaks are forced upon us by situations in our life we can’t control — a loved one passes, a divorce happens, babies are born and need us or maybe you’re laid off. And one of the things that breaks my heart the most as a trainer is seeing just how hard people are on themselves when life throws them a curveball.

pigeon pose coach cat

It’s okay and necessary to ratchet down the volume on your training every now and then. Our bodies have limits and that’s okay. It doesn’t make us weak, it doesn’t make us less than, it doesn’t make us lazy. It gives us the opportunity to rejuvenate ourselves to take on new challenges. And isn’t that truly why we train anyway? To prepare for those future challenges? Food for thought, kiddos, food for thought.

 

What Not Chewing For Six Weeks Taught Me

Last Thursday was a very happy day — my braces came off! If you’ve been following along, I had braces to assist in the process for a jaw surgery I needed. In honor of this momentous day, I wanted to share with you the lessons I learned during the acute recovery when I wasn’t allowed to chew for six weeks. Yup, no CHEWING for six weeks! It was quite a ride…

bracefree

{brace-free, post dental cleaning!}

On May 7, 2015 I checked into the hospital for what would be a five and a half hour surgery to correct some deformities in my jaw. You can read more about what led to that decision here and read here how I felt about 1.5 weeks into recovery. I was excited to get the surgery done, but I knew even going in that the recovery would be a challenge. The hardest part? Not being able to chew for six weeks. Six weeks! The first week I was on a purely liquid diet that I ate through a syringe. Yup, that is not a typo — a syringe.

After that I was allowed to eat any soft foods I could handle that didn’t need chewing. To say it it was a test of will and spirit would be an understatement. I definitely learned a lot of lessons along the way that I wanted to share with y’all.

Lesson 1:  Carbs and Ice Cream Don’t Make You Fat.

I love ice cream — because I’m human and have a pulse. However, it’s not something I buy often in everyday life. During my recovery, though? I probably ate more ice cream and gelato than I have in the entirety of my adult life. And for the record, the Salted Caramel Gelato currently at Trader Joe’s is the best I had.

I also ate tons carbohydrates, and not the complex ones I preach about either. I was eating *lots* of white flour pasta. Why? Because it was easy to swallow. Ravioli was something I ate almost every day from the end of week 2 until week 6.

Hell, I had cheesecake for lunch one day.

Of course, during most of this time I was losing weight, or maintaining a weight lower than I’ve been in months. That’s right, ice cream and white flour were my major food groups and I was thinner.

The lesson? Calories matter. Overeating matters. I do believe that it’s important to have quality calories and to pay attention to nutrients, but at the end of the day your weight is directly correlated to calories first.

Lesson 2:  Chewing is a Gift.

You know what they say, right, that you never know what you have until you don’t have it anymore? That rings true for chewing more than I can ever properly elucidate to you. Being able to eat texture, to experience crispness, to chew kale leaves — it’s not something we should take for granted. It sustains us and allows us to have diverse diets.

One the things that was quickly apparent to me was that a liquid diet is instantly limiting in terms of fiber, particularly non-soluble fiber, which is an important part of a well-balanced diet. It helps keep you full! It keeps you regular!

Lesson 3:  Life Without Enough Calories is not Fun and Can be Scary.

Feeling dizzy when you stand up? Not fun. Waking up in the middle of the night because your stomach is growling? Not fun.

There were days where as much as I tried, I couldn’t get enough calories in. This happened closer to the beginning of my recovery because adjusting to eating out of a syringe was really, really challenging at first. Figuring out ways to get enough calories in to keep my body happy was hard — enter the intense amount of ice cream I ate! But before I figured all that out, I had a few moments where I nearly passed out. Moments where I was winded from walking up the stairs in my house.

None of this is appealing to me. Calories fuel us. And restriction to this point is scary and possibly dangerous — falling is kind of the last thing you want to do when you’ve just had major surgery on your face.

Lesson 4:  Losing 13 pounds in 5 Days Does Not Give you Six-Pack Abs.

At one point in the first week of recovery I realized I was down 13 pounds from my starting weight. As a fit gal, I always assumed that if I lost enough body fat that my abs would be super ripped — because suddenly they’d be visible!

I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I was honestly a little surprised that this wasn’t the case for me — it made me realize that I’d have to lose a heckuva lot more weight to have a washboard stomach and work even harder in my workouts that I already do to shred my rectus abdominus.

And kiddos, I am likely not going to do that. It’s clear that I don’t have the genetic proclivity for those kinds of abs without a ton of work.

Lesson 5:  Mindless Snacking Packs a Caloric Punch.

Once I got to the point where I could swallow more substantial foods like ravioli and I simply got used to drinking more smoothies, I was finally getting in enough calories. When I did rough calculations, I knew I was getting enough calories in to sustain me. But, eating was such a process I certainly wasn’t going out of my way to eat snacks or mindlessly snack throughout the day. This all made me realize just how many calories can be taken in from snacking and mindless eating throughout the day. I am no bastion of perfection and am just as likely to you to munch on almonds as I work and will sometimes forget what I’m doing. It made me consider that for so many of us, these are truly the excess calories.

Lesson 6:  It is Possible to Change Your Habits So Much That You Honestly Crave Healthy Foods.

This is something I’ve thought about before, but in an intense way this lesson was made ever more true to me. Over the past ten years, I’ve adapted so much to a healthier lifestyle that I genuinely missed my kale salads (just ask my orthodonist and surgeon that I joked about with this constantly!). I missed meals centered around proteins like chicken thighs or wild-caught salmon. I missed feeling energized from what I was eating.

I certainly did my best to power up my smoothies with as many superfoods as I could, but it was in no way the same as my everyday diet.

Lesson 7:  I am Now, More than Ever, Anti-Juice Cleanse.

I have never been on the juice cleanse bandwagon, but now more than ever I am against it. There is just simply absolutely zero reason to subject your bodies to this kind of stress unless it’s medically advised. It’s not worth it! If you want to cleanse, eat clean:  center your meals around protein and veggies and choose low-glycemic carbohydrates. Eliminate alcohol and reduce added sugars. Exercise more.

Trust me when I say your body will appreciate this kind of treatment more than starvation. And heck, if you’re anything like me, a juice cleanse won’t even get you six-pack abs…so really, why even bother? 😉

Now that I am on other side of this process I can tell you it was definitely worth it. While those six weeks definitely felt like the longest of my life, in hindsight it already feels like a distant memory!

The biggest lesson of all that I learned…or rather I re-learned? We can do hard things as long as we keep perspective in mind. 

Is Self-Care Just an Excuse to be Lazy?

Self-care is one of those terms that five years ago I had never heard of. But in my corner of the world, these days I hear it all the time. I use it all the time. I’m still not sure how prevalent it is in the mainstream, but it’s safe to say that it’s a booming concept in many nooks and crannies of the world.

Self-care as an act is doing things to take care of yourself. It can be anything from getting massages, doing yoga, meditating, exercising or even just reading.

It’s your time away from your responsibilities to relax and restore.

It’s a concept I love.

But I was reading some internet commentary recently that said that self-care was an excuse to just be lazy and that it was a sign of an over-privileged middle to upper middle-class needing yet another way to justify pampering themselves.

😦

It made me sad. But I truly get it. I am single lady that has no children, I work for myself and thus choose my own schedule. I work from home often. In reality I have so much damn privilege — right?

The thing is? Taking care of yourself shouldn’t be a privilege left to just a select few. It’s something that we all need.

  • It makes us better humans. Endstop.
  • It gives us a chance to re-connect with what we truly value in life. If we are constantly going from one thing to the next, there is no time to evaluate if we are actually living a life that matters to us and reflects our own values. Basically, it increases your own mindfulness about your own life.
  • Engaging in self-care acts reduce stress, which of course contributes to overall health and well-being.
  • It makes us better workers. As a society, via labor laws, we acknowledge the power of taking breaks from work, yet we put in high-esteem those that are constantly “busy” and never take breaks. Why do we do this? It doesn’t make us better at our jobs to work non-stop. I personally find that I run my gears when I do this and don’t actually accomplish as much as when I work in small, dedicated, bursts.
  • In my opinion, it sends a powerful message to yourself and those around you:  that is, that you matter enough to be taken care of.

You matter. That is what self-care is all about, in my opinion. It is not a selfish act. Prioritizing your health matters.

At the end of your life will you be happy that you accomplished everything on your to-do lists and were so busy you barely had time to catch your breath? Or will you be happy that you took time to smell the roses, watch the view or take a bath? I can’t answer that question for you, but I know how I’d answer that question.

I love my little corner of the universe 💕 #thatsky #bayarea #sunset #landscape

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I Wish I Could Do That!

“I’m not the kind of person that works out.”

This is a thought I had in college and my early 20s.

“I wish I could do that!”

This was said to me when I was doing a workout last year on Thanksgiving morning.

It *really* struck me. The person that said this to me was in reality no different than myself. She had time, access to fitness equipment, and no children. A lot like myself.

For a moment I felt a slight sense of shame — was it bad that I was choosing to spend some time working out on the morning of a holiday instead of leaving early to spend more time with family? was it selfish? was it vain?

Given I’ve been working on my mindset practice for quite some time, I knew how to turn my shame triggering thoughts around. Because I exercise for so many reasons, I knew that I would not only physically feel better going into a huge Thanksgiving meal, but that I would calm any anxiety I had (family, traffic, cooking, etc.).

Here’s the thing: you get to decide what kind of person you are.

You get to decide to exercise. “I wish I could do that.” Is language that takes the power away from you. Linguistically, you are saying that you have no choice in the matter.

But the beauty of being an adult living in the free world? We choose our path.

There is not one kind of person that works out. There are people that run, people that lift, people that swing kettlebells, people that go to spin classes, people that go to yoga, people that do pilates, people that run 100 miles in the desert, there are people that ride bikes, people that hike mountains

Exercise is simply movement. The human body is, in fact, designed to move. For realsies. There is no one kind of person is allowed the privilege of being the “KIND OF PERSON THAT EXERCISES”.

You ARE that kind of person.

You ARE the kind of person that chooses to do something you love.

You ARE the kind of person that can decide to be joyful in your movement.

You CHOOSE to be that kind of person.

You choose to be this kind of person by the everyday small choices that you make. You choose to be this kind of person by developing habits. The difference between myself and the person who made the comments to me?

  • I wake up early and have a structured sleep schedule that I prioritize.
  • I don’t negotiate with myself about exercise, I simply do it.
  • I have found movement that invigorates my soul.

In life, we can be “victims” of circumstance or revel in the joy that is the wide open path of choice.

What do you choose for today? Remember, it’s the small choices that add up to something amazing.

The Scale is Not Your Enemy.

Trigger Warning:  If you have struggled with eating disorders this post may not be for you.

For all my teens and most of my 20s I thought bathroom scales were for other people.  I owned one in my early 20s when I first started exercising and used it to track my weight loss, loosely. And then I was depressed, lost my commitment to fitness and healthy eating and I started to gain weight again.

I didn’t use scales when I saw them and I looked away when I  was weighed at the doctor. I didn’t want to know how much I weighed. If I knew the truth, that meant something. It meant that I couldn’t hide, it meant that the truth was out there. It meant that I was a failure, it meant that I was “too big”. It was proof that I wasn’t normal, that I was different than my friends and that number on the scale was proof. I knew that I was different than most of my female friends already (when you’re nearly six feet tall, the jig is basically up), but the number on a scale was solid, factual evidence that I was different in a way that was bad.

I didn’t want to face all of those meanings. When you place that much negative importance on something, who would want to face it?

I remember talking to my best friend back in the thick of my war with the scale in my mid 20s and she mentioned that she weighed herself daily when she was trying to lose weight because it held her accountable. It motivated her to keep going. As she talked, I remember my stomach sinking a little bit at just the idea of it it:  it sounded terrifying. I was sure that if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else during a day if it started with the anxiety of weighing myself. Looking back at my medical chart from the period we had this conversation I weighed in the mid 170s. Not much more than I weigh now.

A few years back I’d had a bit of weight gain. I could tell by how my clothes fit. I was working out pretty vigorously on my own and teaching BCSF, so I felt incredibly frustrated by this. I tapped into a dietician that I’ve known for years. I went into her office for some tests. And now she knew my weight. And we talked about it. It was out in the open. My palms were sweaty, and I felt ashamed. I should know better…right? I’m a trainer — I should be able to have a handle on this. Right?!

She calculated a few things for me and I learned some useful things, like how my resting metabolic rate was substantially higher than it would be based on norms, because of my high amount of lean muscle mass (a win!). She calculated my caloric needs. She offered to check in with me at a few points over the next few months to see how I was doing.

She knew my truth.

And suddenly I found myself weighing myself every other day. I still ate things I wanted. And the weight came off.

That was 3 years ago or so. And these days I still weigh myself a few times each week. And it doesn’t ruin my day.

A lot of my colleagues out there are teaching the world that the scale doesn’t mean anything, don’t equate yourself to a number. That it doesn’t have anything to do with your self-worth and that you don’t even need to weight yourself. They are all 100% correct. These are the women that I resonate with the most.

But, I’m here to offer another perspective. Burying your head in the sand, like I did, is also not a way to deal with this. Because isn’t that just another way to give the scale more power? To completely avoid something because you’re afraid of it? I just don’t think that’s the answer for many of us.

thescale

{my scale. see, it’s not scary! it’s pretty darn silly, if you think about it!}

I can weigh myself now, often, because I have done exactly as my colleagues have suggested — I’ve detached emotion from the scale. Now, when the number has gone up, I think about what I’ve done. Have I been eating more than usual? Have I been eating a ton of sodium? Did I have too much alcohol?

The scale is a tool. It’s one way to measure progress. It’s one method to keep on top of your health.  I think a few things contributed to my ability to change how I feel about the truth.

1. I Talked About It. Someone knew my truth. The number was out there and it was discussed. It was freeing, I realized.

2. Exposure. The more I started weighing myself, the less scary it became. It was one of my many things I did to take care of myself, like brushing my teeth.

3. Performance Gains. I was motivated by my increase in performance that I got from losing excess body fat.

4. Zero Deprivation. I was not depriving myself when I was losing weight. I didn’t see the scale as a symbol of unhappiness as I’d done in the past because it wasn’t a source of frustration.

5. It’s a Tool. Accepting the scale as a tool, as an indicator of how I’m doing on a purely scientific-type way is the ultimate freeing force in this for me. I’m not a terrible person if I eat Pho one night and then see a 2-pound weight “gain” the next day. I simply realize that Pho has an insane amount of sodium in it and that likely I am just seeing water weight. I’ve actually gotten to the point where this kind of thing amuses me.

6. Self-Worth & Confidence. My teens and 20s were a struggle, so it’s not a surprise to me that something so simple as knowing my weight had the power to deflate me. Feel confident in my life overall, in myself in knowing I have a path that I am happy to be on, removes the power of 5 pounds, 10 pounds. Happiness is more important than a number on a scale and now I realize that.

flexpower

Does the scale scare you? Tell me your struggles. The truth is powerful when it’s spoken out loud. We are only scared of things if we let ourselves be scared. We do not need to let inanimate objects tell us our self-worth. We don’t need them to conflate success with a number. They are what they are. They are numbers. Your weight is no different than your blood pressure, your cholesterol, your glucose level. They shouldn’t be equated with self-worth, but they do matter to your overall health.

If the scale scares you because you’re afraid it means something about who you are. Stop. Breathe. It’s about your health. Not about who you are a human being. Please don’t believe for a moment that the scale measures your humanness. The scale is a measure that isn’t meaningless, but it also isn’t meaningful about who you are.

 

Where is My Mind?

When I moved to California in August 2004 one of the first weekends I was here, I was lucky enough to see The Pixies at The Greek Theatre in Berkeley. (Thank you Heidi!). And like most Pixies fans, I was pretty stoked to see “Where is my Mind?” live.

And this song is the first thing I thought of when I set out to right this post about mindset. I mean, with that title, it’s obvious, right? But also, it’s kind of 100% my point — where is my mind? Where is your mind at? What are you thinking about, what are you focusing on, what do you want, how do you talk to yourself?

I think, most importantly, that you are indeed the expert on your own life. Not me. I cannot tell you what is important to you, I cannot tell you the right choices to make.

But, let’s talk about what “mindset” even means. In general terms it is basically:  “the established set of attitudes held by someone”. Simple. It’s your attitude.

It’s how you think about the world around you. It’s how you interact with people. It’s how you perceive yourself. It defines the relationship you have with yourself.

And at the end of the day, these are the things that matter most. You can lose your job and be broke, but your attitude in these kinds of situations will absolutely make or break you. You can either see a way out, or you see the world crushing you as you are too crippled with fear to act. Yes?

Ultimately, mindset is everything. And part of my path to get here might be something you can find useful in your own life:

Fitness is indeed transformative. Knowing that you have the ability to push past that little voice of doubt in your mind and tackle a tough workout is important. And being able to meet a goal that you didn’t ever think was possible — like swinging a 55# kettlebell with ease, is powerful.

I believe that this is partially to do with modern life. We spend much of our day disconnected from our bodies, clicking, typing, and tweeting that I think once we realize we can do something like a full push-up for the first time ever that the power of that movement does indeed translate to feeling more powerful and confident in other areas of our life. Because ultimately our bodies are ours and ours alone and the power of knowing that with hard work YOU can make things happen is a huge boon to our mindset.

But, this doesn’t always just happen. To achieve fitness goals, we need to have some sort of consistency, right? We need to exercise on a regular basis to achieve these kinds of results that are powerful. And the same remains true of mindset shifts. It’s a practice that we have to nurture. It’s a practice that needs to be consistent.

A fitness practice without a mindset practice is ultimately setting yourself up for failure.

I know this, because this was me. I exercised in my 20s. I exercised quite a lot. But in general, I was direction-less. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my career and mostly I was having fun living the dream in San Francisco. I have no regrets. But I exercised with only the purpose of checking it off my to-do list. To be thinner. To be prettier and more accepted.

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{The city I love and that distracted me for many years!}

And then I mostly stopped. I was working for BCSF and yet I had about a year where I gained 15 pounds, was depressed and the times I did exercise it felt like torture.

But when I re-committed to exercise, things had changed. I was devoted to working on the whole me.  And, knock on wood, I’m turning 34 next month and I haven’t fallen off the wagon again, yet. Save a little time off for injury rehab, that’s 6 years of successful consistent exercise and mindset practice. So it’s safe to say, I’ve learned a bit along the way.

Initially my mindset practice was simple and just involved changing some of my thought patterns and habits. The three mindset shifts that I did initially made were:

1. I wanted to be proud of my decisions. On days I struggled, I thought about how I would feel tomorrow and the next week, etc. I wanted to choose feeling proud, rather than shame.

2. I moved in ways that made me happy. I didn’t go back to the gym and ride the elliptical for 30 minutes. I did get a road bike and start cycling like a maniac which made me ridiculously happy. I did start running around San Francisco again with my pup — this never fails to put a smile on my face. I did start working on my strength training.

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{Stella always teaches me the important lessons, like stopping to roll in the grass mid-run.}

3. I didn’t want to give myself the easy way out. I had always been someone that was successful in the things I wanted to be successful at. Throughout college and my first job out, things had always fallen into place. It wasn’t until I moved to San Francisco and I had struggled a bit that I was shaken in this capacity. At the end of the day, I knew I was better than how I was acting. I knew that I was capable of so much more than I was doing at the time. In short:  I wanted to live up to my potential.

If you are struggling with motivation, I hope you’ll consider starting a mindset practice. And if you’re not sure where to start, consider starting where I did with changing your thought patterns. Sometimes all it takes is literally just shifting the words you choose to say to yourself.

Just like with exercise, mindset practice is very simple when you look at it up close. But as with exercise that doesn’t make it easy, especially when the going gets tough.

Trust me, though. You got this. Because if I can do it, there is no way you can’t do it either!

Happiness is Choosing Yourself Above All Else: Or, Why I’m Having Jaw Surgery

“It’s a cosmetic surgery.” She said, before going into another plank at my command. I was telling one of my classes about my upcoming jaw surgery. And I replied to the group that yes, while aesthetic results were a definite outcome, my surgery was a medical neccessity.

My client wasn’t wrong, though. This is an expensive surgery that most Americans will never be able to pay out of pocket for and therefore need to get medical clearance for insurance purposes — but looking better is a major reason a lot of people will fight tooth and nail to get this surgery. And I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t excited to see what my results will look like.

But there’s more to it than that for me. For me this surgery is a testament to my independence. It’s a about making a choice for me. Only me and no one else.

And isn’t that the best kind of choice we can ever make?

I’ve known I needed this surgery since I was 15. I had crooked teeth and had wanted braces but my family wasn’t exactly rich and braces seemed like a luxury that I wasn’t pushing for. But one day out of the blue, my dad took me to see an orthodontist. The first thing the ortho said to us was that I would require surgery to completely fix my bite. Without hesitating my dad said no. And I rolled with it. I got the braces and had them for a mere 18 months. My teeth were straighter and I didn’t think too much about it for the rest of my teen years.

As I got a little older and ostensibly my imbalances became more pronounced (the growth plate in your jaw is one of the last to close, so it can grow well into your mid 20s), I started to think about it more. I started to avoid having my picture taken. I practiced which angle of photos looked better.

Every time I saw a dentist in my 20s (I switched at least 3 times) the first thing they mentioned to me was my “crooked” jaw. And it bothered me. I remember once telling a dentist “Well, when I can’t get a date, maybe then we can talk about this.” All they were suggesting was for me to get a consult with a surgeon. It was a defensive response.

On the surface I thought to myself “I’m confident! I don’t need a perfect jaw to feel good about myself. I’m not that shallow!” And that is all true and fair points: we are more than what we look like. But…because of my defensiveness, I never stopped to listen to the medical benefits to fixing my jaw. I assumed the only reason they were suggesting I look into was to look better. And damnit, I was better than that.

It wasn’t until I was 29 or 30 that I started to casually research this surgery. Fast forward to last year and at 33 I was fresh out of a long relationship and having a heart to heart with my best friend. She’d had a co-worker have a similar surgery that loved the results. And when Lindsey said to me “Why not get a consult? What’s the worst that could happen?”, I realized she was right.

And the rest is history. I had that consult. I had confirmation that my surgery was classified as a medical necessity and would actually be covered by my insurance plan. The day I got my braces I cried. I knew there was no going back. And here I am:  8 months later and 1 month out from my surgery.

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I’ve had a lot of time to consider what I’m doing. And while I am intrigued to see how different I’ll look, more than anything I am proud of myself for taking the leap.

I’ve let other people make a lot of big decisions for me in my life. I certainly understand my parents choices, but I wish I would have had the courage to dig deeper for myself when I was younger. I wish I would have listened to the dentists in my 20s. But hindsight is 20/20, right?

All we can do is live in the here and now. And in the here and now, I’m so excited that I took the bull by it’s horns. That I spent the time to consider what is my best for MY future. Sometimes choosing what’s best for you won’t be apparent to others. They may see your choices from the surface only– they may think that you are choosing to change your fitness routine for vanity. They may think you are eating healthier to simply be skinnier. But no one knows what is in your heart. No one knows your true reasons, except YOU.

So how do we handle these bigger changes? Especially when it’s the kind of thing that people notice and that have opinions about? And namely, how do we handle comments by those close to us about these kinds of changes you are making in your life?

1. We Give People the Benefit of the Doubt. My client that made that comment wasn’t trying to hurt me.  This is a group I am close to, so she likely just felt comfortable saying it. She probably knows someone that has the surgery and maybe their reasons were aesthetic. WHO KNOWS? The point is, even though it was a little jarring for me to hear it, it wasn’t with malice.

2. We Foster Resiliency in Ourselves. Negative emotions and interactions happen. It’s a fact of life. If we’re resilient, though, we we are able to roll with the punches much easier. We are able to brush things off. But, according to research, there are a few things that are facets of resilient people:

The ability to make realistic plans and being capable of taking the steps necessary to follow through with them

A positive self-concept and confidence in one’s strengths and abilities

Communication and problem-solving skills

The ability to manage strong impulses and feelings

3. We Know Our Why. I’m having this surgery so that I’m not in pain any longer in my TMJ join. I’m having this surgery so that my teeth wear evenly for the rest of my life. I’m having this surgery because it’s the best choice for me. You have your reasons for why you want to change. Maybe your blood pressure is too high. Maybe you’re just fed up. There are millions of valid reasons for why you want to change. That is no one else’s business but yours.

And the end result of making these kinds of changes? Likely it will result in a happier you. Right? And isn’t happiness all the reason we ever need to make a big decision in our life? I’m going to give that one a resounding YES.

If you’re struggling with a choice like this, try to focus on one of the above things to work on. Maybe you need to focus on giving people the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe you need clarity on what your why is. That’s okay. But my advice would be to focus on one step at a time. Enjoy the journey, trust the process.